February and March kind of sucked. No. They didn’t “kind of suck.” They just sucked. A lot. I’m glad they’re over.
This is a stream of consciousness brain dump meets personal update meets update on my website progress. I’ll add headings and whatnot so you can skim if you’re interested, but be prepared for my patented Rose ramble style where I have no idea what is going to come out of my mouth next.
My landlord is an asshole. Or rather, the management company that runs this building is a collective bunch of assholes, and the president of said company is the biggest asshole of all. This dude made me get a DOCTOR’S ORDER to replace a toilet because he didn’t want to fix the plumbing.
I’ve been in touch with a lawyer and am well within my rights to sue them for ADA violations and general lease violations, but I have held off doing so because I don’t need the extra hassle in my life.
The company is being audited by the state at this very moment, and the building manager has been replaced. So all attempts to complete the repairs on my apartment have stalled. Again. How’s that for irony? I’ve lived here almost 7 years and they’ve been promising some of these repairs since day 1.
(No, I can’t move. There are no wheelchair accessible housing complexes in my price range and I’m already on housing assistance.)
My state is in the midst of a heroin crisis. It’s so bad that students in public schools are being taught how to recognize and respond to signs of heroin overdose.
My brother is an addict who is trying to get treatment. He can’t get into a program because they all want thousands of dollars for a two week stay, and there are enormous wait lists for any kind of assistance.
I’m in the middle of a migraine/cluster headache cycle, so I keep getting them, and I’ve had one on and off for about a month. It’s pretty much the same headache. Just dies down enough to be tolerable and I think it’s going away, then comes back again. It’s pretty depressing.
One of my goals for the year was to make some new friends, so I’ve joined some hobby groups, taken a bunch of courses, signed up challenges, and even gotten myself interviewed by strangers (twice) for things that don’t have to do with my books or business. I’ve made some great connections with folks like Haley Snyder, Latrisha Jacobs, and Amanda Northern. All three of these ladies are amazing human beings.
Manda’s 30 day challenge and subsequent blogging ecourse have taught me a lot that I hope to impliment soon. Some of the other things I’ve signed up for have been valueable, but a lot were junk. I’ve noticed a trend where anybody who blogs for a few months or a year thinks they can teach, packages up basic information and sells it for hundreds of dollars. Or gives some away so they can sell you their expensive blogging ecourse (which usually boils down to “be authentic, be consistent in your branding, budget your time, and write formulaic posts according to my style guide, which I totally picked up from a free guide or a high school level mass media/marketing class.”) I don’t know, maybe I’m biased because my high school had a good English department and I worked in a library, but why would I pay for something I can find for free by typing “blog tips” in a search engine?
Of course, I know the answer. I wouldn’t. But a lot of people would because they figure if this person is making — or claiming to make — thousands of dollars, they must have a secret, but it reads to me a lot like the infomercials I used to see on latenight TV. “I made thousands of dollars in a month, and I can teach you how for $999.99–sign up now and you’ll get my special introductory price of $49.95.”
So, I decided to try my hand at a couple of ecourses that had genuine value, and I put a lot of material together for them, but I had too much else going on to launch.
I redesigned my website and moved to a new host.
Am also in the process of building a new site. I’ve been posting some pretty intense personal essays about my trauma history here, and after a while I realized they needed their own space. I wanted to provide a place for survivors to connect and tell our stories, so I built Hardcore Hope.
I started my own Facebook community for goal setters who need some support and encouragement, but I totally dropped the ball there. Things started to crack about mid-February and I was having panic attacks like every other day.
I knew I was doing too many things, so I just pulled out. I spent several weeks focused ONLY on the things I absolutely had to do, like my website and working on my fiction projects. The panic attacks stopped (partially because I stopped having men show up to look at my apartment with no warning etc) and gradually I got back in the game, but I realized that (at least for right now) I don’t want to do ecourses. I’m in the middle of writing a major work of fiction that’s going to take at least another 5 years to complete. I’ve got a thousand things going on in my life and I just don’t need another project. So I’m going to stick with what I’m doing. I’m going to release what I’ve got on the blog FOR FREE and then package it with additional content for an ebook series. Because I write books. That’s what I do. Maybe down the line I’ll feel like I’m in the right place to teach, but if not, that’s okay. There’ll be another trend when the ecourse bubble bursts, and I’ll still be on the internet.
Now about that fiction project:
In January, I shared that I had about 400,000 words of material to weed through, organize, figure out what was useable and then make notes and a revision plan for. I anticipated that it would take all year. I finished the revision planning last week. I have slightly less useable material than I’d hoped, but’s still enough to build a year long serial (probably more than that. About half has been written. I’m going to take a break for Q2 and come back to the project later in the year. I’ll have more about my plans in a later post.