A journal excerpt from about a month ago. This will probably be expanded to an essay at some point.
I did not know how lucky I was, as a kid, to have a grandfather who could engage the realities of cerebral palsy with a spiritual dialogue that was compassionate, action-centered, and actually empowering, rather than steeped in silly nonsense and sweeping moralization.
I hear often that my disability is a “test.” Well, if so, I’d say I passed when I survived my first 90 days. Fuck you, if you think that God decided to give me a congenital disability to see if I could handle it without losing faith in him, or as some kind of proving ground for the future. CP is not spiritual boot camp.
I hear that it is something I “brought on myself.” Well, how, exactly? By being too stubborn to wait 9 months to be born? Fuck you, again, if you think there was anything I (or my mother) did to cause my pain and suffering. Bad things happen because the world is like that. This isn’t spiritual selection or punishment or karmic retribution or a spiritual agreement between God and my “higher self.” Just fuck off.
I hear that, in order to “overcome” my disability, I need more faith. Or I need to “receive” things. Please stop commenting on my faith or my spiritual condition based on what you can see of my physical body. It isn’t measured there. I didn’t “create” my physical reality with my thoughts. Disability is not a spiritual failure.
If an old school Catholic like my grandfather could get these things in the 1980s, why the HELL am I still explaining them to so-called spiritual progressives in 2017?