It’s super important for people (especially women) to trust themselves in making decisions. It’s easier said than done; our culture tends to devalue women’s opinions and condition us to defer to others.
How many times have you had this conversation:
“What do you want for dinner?”
“I don’t know. What do you want?”
“I don’t know. Do you want pizza?”
“I don’t care, whatever you want.”
And this goes on forever because both people are socially conditioned to be “nice,” meaning they defer their opinions to others.
It drives me fucking nuts because it’s a huge waste of energy, and it’s usually dishonest. Neither of which are actually “nice.” If you want to be “nice” then be honest in a kind way and don’t drain the other person’s energy by letting a simple social exchange drag on into an ordeal.
Come on, you know what you feel like eating, at least most of the time.
Sure, it’s important to compromise and sometimes you really DGAF and you’re just hungry–but you can’t compromise if you’re unwilling to state a preference, and I’m willing to bet that if I said “Pizza or Tacos?” you’d have a preference, even if it wasn’t a strong one and you were fine with eating the other option.
Well, if you do that often enough, you find yourself deferring all kinds of decisions, and then you find yourself stuck and miserable with no idea what you even want anymore. It takes a long time to undo this kind of conditioning.
One of the ways I do break this pattern in my life is by making decisions even when I’m not 100% comfortable or don’t have much of a preference.
If someone asks me what I want to eat, I’ll pick something. Because it’s good practice. And if they want something else, we’ll compromise.
But that doesn’t mean I always get it right or that I never fall back on old patterns.
For example, I made this lovely butterfly thing and posted a video of the process on Youtube.
You can watch in real time as I give away my power to random strangers on the internet.
I’m on there scrolling through my supplies like “Nah, I don’t want butterflies…*comes back to butterflies* Do you guys want butterflies? Okay. I think it’s weird, but like okay, let’s see how it goes.”
My Youtube channel is brand new and had one subscriber–an artsy friend who I knew wasn’t online at the time. So, who the fuck was I asking for their opinion? And it wasn’t live, and I wasn’t waiting to see if anybody answered me. On top of that:
MY WHOLE BIZ IS ABOUT TEACHING WOMEN TO OWN THEIR FUCKING POWER.
But apparently I still have this conditioning to doubt myself and then go looking for someone else’s approval to do what I want–at least verbally, for five seconds.
As soon as I put the video up, I was like, “Shit, did I just do that? I DID!”
And then I laughed at myself. But I was still embarrassed.
I’m leaving it up because I want to show you it’s not the end of the world if you have a mindset fart (that’s like a brain fart only louder.) What you do is you go “Okay, I see that, I acknowledge it, and that’s not who I am now.” And go from there.