10 Ways to Honor A Loved One Privately

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Grief and loss are intensely personal experiences, but most of our rituals for honoring or remembering a loved one who has died are public and social. This can be a great way to connect with others and gain support during a time of mourning, but you may also want a more private, reflective way to express your sadness, loss, or other emotions and to remember the person you are grieving.

When my grandpa died this February, I knew that I was not going to be able to attend his funeral service. I still wanted to honor him and find a way to process my feelings about him. Here is a list of 10 ideas I have for privately honoring a departed loved one.

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Is This Feminist? George Perez’ Wonder Woman

#FeministFriday

Hannah Reads Books

Wonder Woman by George Perez OmnibusA couple of months ago, I posted about Grant Morrison’s version of Wonder Woman and how it kind of tried to be feminist but wasn’t. I’ve posted quite a bit about feminist themes in other books, too, but I’d like to make “Is This Feminist?” a regular thing, and I’m starting with some more Wonder Woman — the Wonder Woman by George Perez Omnibus Vol. 1 I reviewed earlier this week for Classics Club. I loved it for the art and excellent writing, but it’s also a much more nuanced treatment of feminism despite not using the word.

In this origin story — the 1986 reboot that kicked off the modern era of Wonder Woman — the Amazons are a project of several female goddesses to help bring peace to the world. They have something of a special connection to Gaea, and next to the active goddesses, but worship the whole…

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Ways I amuse myself…

Xandria–“Blood On My Hands”
lyrics

Silver stars in my black night
Cold as ice but beautiful
Wandering through broken shadows
The river of life is all filled with sins
The water I drink is the blood on my hands

No-one sees how I’m burning
No-one feels this yearning
So come taste this black poison – You never reach this heart
And forgive my obsession – Something tears me apart
From myself

Silver stars in my black night
Cold as ice but beautiful
Wandering through broken shadows
The river of life is all filled with sins
The water I drink is the blood on my hands

Waiting for my damnation – your prosecutor’s here
In my own accusation – you can’t run from yourself
Oh we’re living these lies all alone
So come on and throw the stone

Silver stars in my black night
Cold as ice but beautiful
Wandering through broken shadows
The river of life is all filled with sins
The water I drink is the blood on my hands

Pray to the gods I have sold in this game of live and let die
Pray for my soul in this world to deliver me from my sins
Pray…

All that’s been and all I see now
Only a ghost of what I called…

Silver stars in my black night
Cold as ice but beautiful
Wandering through broken shadows
The river of life is all filled with sins
The water I drink is the blood on my hands

Bat Princess Logo Concepts

Hey, folks.  You may have noticed the blog has been a bit sparse lately.  There was a death in my family in February, and (unrelated)  I’ve done some serious damage to my shoulder.  So, I’ve been having trouble moving my arms or tilting my head back to take pain medication.

Today I discovered that the best way to swallow medicine is to hold a drink in my left hand, do “scarecrow position” with my right arm and tilt my head at slight angle, thus avoiding the shoulder pain long enough to swallow medicine.  I’m there like “I’m pretty sure this must have happened to Batman once…”

And then I realized:

All I need is a few billion dollars.  I’ve already proven I have the ingenuity and pain tolerance to be Batman.

I’ve decided to put the cart before the horse here and start developing my superhero persona right now.

BAT PRINCESS IS BORN.

Here are some logo concepts.  Which is your favorite?

I love them all, and since I’m a princess I may just get myself coordinated costumes.

IWSG: 5 Reasons You Haven’t Finished That Book And What To Do About Them

 

You Don’t Have A Consistent Writing Practice

Consistent action is the key to success in everything.  Whether it’s every day, once a week, or even once a month, you need to show up consistently.  It’s easy to become distracted by life circumstances, new interests, TV shows, and more urgent things that need your attention.  So decide right now how much you want to finish that book and then decide on a schedule that will work for you.

You Give Yourself An Out

I hear this all the time.  “My goal is to write a chapter a week, but I’ll be happy if I do half that much.” Or: “My goal is to write every day, but what will really happen is that I’ll procrastinate and watch TV and then feel guilty at the end of the month.”

Stop giving yourself an out.  You don’t have to pick random milestones like “a chapter a week” because they sound good or because that’s what everyone else is doing right now.  Pick a small, manageable goal as a first step and use it to build momentum for larger ones.

And stop sabotaging yourself with “permission to fuck around.” All those memes you see about how writers spend more time fucking off and arranging their desks or making coffee? WRONG.  It’s entirely possible to work on your book when you say you’re going to.  It’s a matter of deciding what you really want and going after it.

Find something you want to do, and then surround yourself with the supports you need to actually follow through.

Your Priorities Suck

There’s no easy way to say this.  You want to write but you “don’t have time.” You want to write but you’re tired.  You want to write but you can’t decide what to work on, so you watch TV instead.

Everybody has things they need to do.  Kids, job, chores, caretaking for sick loved ones.  There’s always going to be something you have to do.  And some days you will let that get in the way of your writing, because you’re human.  But most days, if you want to finish a book, you will sit down and do the work, because there’s no other way.

Figure out what your priorities are.  Then decide how much time and energy you can realistically give to writing each week.  Make a commitment to do the work, no matter what.

You Can’t Keep Your Eyes On Your Own Page
Everybody seems to have a cooler concept, more followers, a better blog.  Everybody’s doing wizards or dystopia or alpha romances, and you’re spinning your wheels trying to find the “perfect” thing to write.   Or you’re stuck because you start second guessing your ideas, and pretty soon you realize you haven’t written anything in a month.  Or three.
Don’t worry about what “everyone” is doing.  Be aware of market trends, understand what tends to be popular in your genre, but write your own story.  Whether it falls into a currently popular category or not, it’s uniquely yours–and you need to write what calls to you if you hope to finish.

You Are Listening to the Naysayers.

 

I have a project that’s so large in scope that it will probably take me the rest of my life.  I shared my notes and outline for it with a friend once, and he promptly told me that he didn’t think I could do it.  It was too long, too complex, too full of potential problems and setbacks.  So, his solution was that I shouldn’t try.

 

Later I shared another, more simple project with him.  That one was meant to be a trilogy.  He immediately started listing out every potential problem I might face while putting it together, every instance in which he foresaw a roadblock or question I’d have to solve.  MY reaction to a list of problems is to find solutions as I work.  HIS reaction was to say, again, that the story wouldn’t work and I should give up.

 

Needless to say, he and I don’t talk much about writing anymore.

 

If you’ve got a naysayer in your life, you need to stop listening to them.  Surround yourself with people who encourage and support you in overcoming your roadblocks, and leave the naysayers far behind you.

 

When Getting to School Is A Fight For Your Life

Feminist Friday on PTM–Content Warning: Child Abuse

Part-Time Monster

Editor’s Note: Today’s post is a guest post from Rose B. Fischer. I am incredibly honored to have her posting here in such an open, honest essay about her experiences. Please be aware that this post contains frank discussion of physical abuse.

(Content Warning: Descriptions of physical abuse.)

The little yellow bus—commonly called “the retard bus” by my peers–was my only way to get to school. My mother took the car to work with her at 5:45, and the “regular” bus didn’t have a wheelchair lift.

The little yellow bus pulled up at precisely 7:30 every weekday morning. It would honk once, idle for five minutes, and if I wasn’t outside by then, the driver would leave.

This was the mid-80s, well before the ADA, so I was lucky to have the little yellow bus at all.

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[Texture Tuesday]Public Domain archive

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So, quick announcement: I just opened a public domain graphic archive.  There are about a 100 free backgrounds up there right now.

You can also check out my main Flickr Account for Lots and Lots and Lots of Free to use (Attribution required) graphics.

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More will be added monthly. Click the images to see the galleries.

If you’d like to know exactly when new stuff is live in there, you can join my Facebook Group, Empowered Creative Women: Live the Life You Want.