OMG, I MESSED UP MY MINDSET WORK!!! (And what to do when that happens.)


It’s super important for people (especially women) to trust themselves in making decisions.  It’s easier said than done; our culture tends to devalue women’s opinions and condition us to defer to others.

Fess up.

How many times have you had this conversation:

“What do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t know.  What do you want?”

“I don’t know.  Do you want pizza?”

“I don’t care, whatever you want.”

And this goes on forever because both people are socially conditioned to be “nice,” meaning they defer their opinions to others.

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Free Social Media Banners + Motivation

Here are 4 Free Social Media Banners with PSD Template included.  These work well with short motivational phrases or one word.  Images are Public domain.

social media banners rainbow mountain desert outdoor hope dreams encouragement

So, I felt a little nervous putting these out today.  They’re not my usual style, and seem off-brand.  We’re told in the online business world to stay consistent and on brand at all times.

But then I thought, “Fuck it, this is what I feel like sharing today.” So here you go.

I’ve been struggling a lot this year.  My grandfather died in February after a long fight with Alzheimer’s.  There have been a run of other family problems too.  I wrenched my shoulder badly in March and the fucker is still hurting.  (I use a wheelchair, so arm injuries are pretty serious and take forever to heal.)  I was sick and incapacitated for most of April.

May has been a wobbly process of getting back on my feet and trying to catch up.

If I’m being honest, the past 4 years or so has been a series of shitstorms, injuries, and loss.

So I’ve gotten used to riding the storm out, keeping my head above water, and then cleaning up to take another shot.  It’s not easy, though.  And I know I’m not the only one.

So what I want to tell you is, keep going.  It’s okay to want things.  It’s okay to reach for them.  It’s okay to be frustrated, and tired, and pissed, but you have to keep going, keep reaching, keep trying, because that’s the only way to the other side.  You have to keep finding hope because without it you’re well and truly fucked.


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Art Share: Transformation


This is what I did with the fugly crap I posted last week.

For anyone new: Last week’s post was a set of reddish-brown /black images with some splatter and grunge on them.  They weren’t all that remarkable.  I worked with them a little and got some designs that totally reflect my style and helped me process what was going on with me emotionally.

I never tell people to “look for lessons” in their pain, but I can say without a doubt that if you walk through it, your own refusal to give up will bring transformation.

IWSG: Taking Risks As A Writer

insecure-writers-support-group-badgeMy clients often tell me that they are afraid.


  • Afraid their writing won’t be good enough.
  • Afraid of disappointing themselves.
  • Afraid they’ll start and not finish.
  • Afraid that people won’t like their book.
  • Afraid that their idea is not “original.”
  • Afraid that they won’t “make it.”
  • Afraid that cat-aliens will take over their computer in the middle of the night and write a better book than they could.  (Okay, no.  I made that one up.)

I wrote my first book when I was 12.  It sucked.  Started my second one when I was sixteen and it took forever to finish.  In between starting and finishing the second, there have been 9 others.  Each one is a learning experience.  Each one is flawed, but they’re each progressively better than the one before.  At any point along this writing journey, I could have given up.  Decided that my books just weren’t “good enough,” or that I didn’t have what it took to be an author.  I didn’t, because writing is a skill.  It’s not magic.  You learn to write by writing.  You get better by taking the risk to do the thing as best you can, and then learning from your mistakes.


I’ve been writing for close to 30 years now.  Reading for longer than that.  Every time I’ve seen what I thought was a unique premise (an “original” story idea) I later found out that it had been influenced and inspired by other stories.  It doesn’t matter if your idea is “original.” What matters is that you take the risk to write it from a place within yourself that no one else can reach.  Then, the experience of your book will be unique.


Some people are not going to like your work.  That’s the way it goes when you do art.  But other people will, and some of them need your work.  It’s on you, writer, to take the risk involved in finding them.

And don’t let the cat-aliens surf Youtube all night.

Stop Being An Ass About 2016–My Inaugural Blog Rant

rbf_-12-30-2016-_feb_-024copy4 So, a lot of people are blowing off steam about 2016 right now.  “This is the worst year ever–2016 can kiss my ass!”

“Damn you, 2016, did you have to take Alan Rickman, Prince, David Bowie AND Carrie Fisher?”  Or more seriously, there are deep fears about the state of world politics, the environment, and all sorts of stuff.

People are expressing the hard times they’ve had.  The collective agreement that 2016 has been a harsh and unforgiving piece of crap seems to make us all feel a little better about it.

We’ve all had a rough 2016.  But at least, if we’re all talking about it, we know we’re not alone.

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How I Beat Panic Attacks By Re-Writing Scifi Literature

I spent February and most of March battling panic attacks. For much of the time, I was completely paralyzed. I knew that I needed to develop new coping strategies and figure out how I could get back to a level of functionality.


The first thing I tried was the Litany against Fear.

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Business Clarity Workbook Questions

Biz clarity map

So, like I said yesterday, this week’s homework in my business coaching program, Sisterhood Tribes, is to go through some questions in Rachel’s Business Clarity Workbook.  I’m about 2/3 of the way done now.  This is what I’ve got.  (If I get done the rest of it this week, I’ll do a process post on how I did the business map I came up with.


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