Let’s Write A Novel #6: Dealing With Unsupportive Loved Ones

I’m writing a new novel and blogging through the process so that you can learn along with me.

 

Due to some unforseen circumstances, I’ve decided to limit access to the planning materials in the Google Folder after this week.  You can still head over there to check out the updates today, but in the future, if you want access to my planning and drafting materials, you’ll need to sign up for my email list.

If you missed the last post about using cheat sheets to quickly access and organize your notes, you can check it out here.

 

 Earlier posts in the series are all gathered here.

 

This week I want to talk about coping with unsupportive loved ones. I see questions about this come up a lot in writer’s groups, especially from new writers who are struggling to balance commitment to their loved ones with the desire to write.

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Your Imperfections Are Just Fine Part Two: so Your Efforts to Improve Yourself

Every Thursday I share a WIP or art project that I’m working on! Most Thursdays, I’ll also some thoughts that came to me while working on the piece that I share.

I’ve been on a continuous quest for self-improvement or self-development since my early teens. I say “quest for” instead of “journey of” because for a long time I felt like there was some ultimate goal or place or way of being that I was supposed to be striving towards.

I thought, without ever having made the conscious connection, that there was going to be a magic moment when all of my efforts paid off and I suddenly realized that I was this healthy, well-adjusted, nice person who knew how to be friendly and nurturing and all of the things that I had never seen modeled in my childhood.

Like I said last week, I grew up in hell. I was abused from a really young age in just about every way imaginable. Somewhere along the line, I realized that I wanted to learn how to treat people better.  I wanted to be a kinder, gentler, more well-adjusted person than the adults in my household, but I had no models for that. I didn’t know how to become what I wanted.  I only knew that what I saw and felt at home was painful.  So I set out to attain that goal thinking that there was something “wrong” with the way I currently was.

Eventually, I started to learn self-acceptance, and then I struggled with the whole idea of personal development or self-improvement or whatever word you want to use. I didn’t have a healthy models to follow, so I questioned everything I did. Was it okay to try to improve? Could I accept myself the way I was and still want to grow and learn how to be different?

Last week, I also shared this diamond design and I told how, even when I fixed the imperfect edge, my friends liked the original design better. I didn’t. I wanted to improve it. But part of me felt guilty for trying to “fix” the thing instead of just accepting it for what it was and being happy that my friends liked it in all of its imperfection.

I realized I was doing the same thing to this poor little diamond design that I used to do to myself. First, I struggled to accept the diamond’s imperfection. Then I struggled with my own desire to improve as an artist and to make my creation more in line with the vision I had for it.

The first step in a healthy journey of self improvement at personal development is compassionate acceptance for where you are. To allow yourself to relax and know that you are 100% fine the way you are. Then, from that place of acceptance, the next step is to give yourself the space to grow and change and become what you know that you can be.


Everybody has some messy edges. It’s great if you want to try to grow and improve yourself, but also remember that you are fine the way you are. People like you as you are, and they think you are beautiful, imperfections and all.

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Don’t forget to check out the design and graphic freebies available in my members area.  Just click the free membership level and add your email address to get all the new additions first!

 

OMG, I MESSED UP MY MINDSET WORK!!! (And what to do when that happens.)

 

It’s super important for people (especially women) to trust themselves in making decisions.  It’s easier said than done; our culture tends to devalue women’s opinions and condition us to defer to others.

Fess up.

How many times have you had this conversation:

“What do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t know.  What do you want?”

“I don’t know.  Do you want pizza?”

“I don’t care, whatever you want.”

And this goes on forever because both people are socially conditioned to be “nice,” meaning they defer their opinions to others.

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10 Ways to Honor A Loved One Privately

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Grief and loss are intensely personal experiences, but most of our rituals for honoring or remembering a loved one who has died are public and social. This can be a great way to connect with others and gain support during a time of mourning, but you may also want a more private, reflective way to express your sadness, loss, or other emotions and to remember the person you are grieving.

When my grandpa died this February, I knew that I was not going to be able to attend his funeral service. I still wanted to honor him and find a way to process my feelings about him. Here is a list of 10 ideas I have for privately honoring a departed loved one.

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Changes Are Afoot

The TL; DR version of this post:

I’m switching gears in my online work to focus on creating premade graphics packages for bloggers and entrepreneurs and print on demand products through Zazzle and FineArt America. So, the blog is going to become a complement to that and focus on art journaling experiments, resources for designers and artists, and the occasional topic of interest.

I’ll keep the blog schedule largely the way it is for now because I don’t think it’s possible to segregate art from the life of the artist. Tuesday there might be a second post for me to talk casually about whatever is on my mind.  Wednesday is for blogging and writing tips. The general leaning of the blog is just going to be more art-related than it has been.

I’m keeping Wednesday mostly because I feel like the blogging information is relevant anybody who would be on this site looking for stuff anyway. And, most often you can still expect me to share Feminist Friday content when I have it.

Hi!

The Much Longer “What’s Been Going on with Rose” Version of the Post.

If you’ve been following me anywhere else on the Internet, you already know that my grandpa died in February.

It wasn’t unexpected, but it’s been devastating. There have been a series of other family problems since then.

What you may not know — or may not remember — is that my brother almost died last February, and my physical health has been declining steadily since last summer. On top of that, I took a bad fall in September and I didn’t realize how bad or how long-lasting the problems would be until it was December and I realized I was still waking up in pain every night.

We won’t mention the US elections in November or the subsequent political landscape.

I fell again this weekend, and messed up my shoulder worse than it already was.

Lately, I’ve felt like a pinball in my personal life.

Online, I’ve spent a lot of time on activism and social justice projects.

I’ve really enjoyed the consulting and coaching work that I’ve done since last February, but with my health and everything else going on in my life, I don’t feel that I can give enough time and emotional energy to that type of client.

Although I love blogging, my blog hasn’t been a priority for about a year and half now. I didn’t mean for that to happen, but things have changed a lot since I started on WordPress. I thought seriously about just turning the blog into a static website and letting it sit.

I spent this March and April trying to figure out if that’s really what I wanted to do. I decided that I don’t want to shut the blog down, but I need to make a pretty drastic pivot if I’m going to continue.

Four years ago, when I got on WordPress, I had two intentions. I wanted to write about social justice issues, and I wanted to connect with other fantasy and science fiction writers. I formed a lot of great friendships in the intervening time, but the truth is that I spend more time interacting with those friends on social media channels than I do on WordPress anymore. As far as social justice, it’s always going to be important to me, but I didn’t realize how much it would cost me in terms of time, energy, and emotional well-being to blog about those issues on a daily or weekly basis.

I finally hit the wall last week and realized that it’s time for me to start getting paid to do social justice work if I’m going to do it at all. I used to think that it was “too important” to worry about whether I was getting paid to do it or not, but I don’t have unlimited resources or energy. So, I’ve made a decision.

I’ll continue to support and promote social justice projects like the Feminist Friday discussions on Part-Time Monster and anything else that my blogging friends throw my way, and I’ll have a post every now and then, but otherwise I’ll be looking for paid writing opportunities and working on building my own site for child abuse and sexual assault survivors with a self-sustaining model.

For the time being, I’m going to reinvent the Evil Genius Blog as primarily an art blog with Intersectional Feminist leanings. The schedule will stay the same for now, with maybe some additional content on weekends, and the focus will be “Art with purpose”

I see purpose being a lot of different things. Whether it’s practical, as in the merchandise and selling, political as in art as resistance or personal as in using art as an outlet and a way to heal.

If you’re intrigued, stick around.  If not, no hard feelings.  Go ahead and unfollow.  I’ll see you around the interwebs.

The Sorceress Didn’t Have to Lie to Teela and Here’s Why

Sorceress of Castle Grayskull

Sorceress of Castle Grayskull (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

This post is a re-working of several posts I made in early 2014 about the Sorceress and Teela.

 

My biggest plotting pet peeve is when characters keep secrets from one another that serve no useful purpose.  There’s nothing wrong with the character having a secret or secrets. It drives me crazy when characters keep secrets that do more harm than good and never seem to grasp the idea that they are causing their own problems when they lie to their loved ones.  There are PLENTY of good, interesting stories that can be told without this particular cheap plot device.

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